I'm Ready For Self Improvement

Maybe a year and a half is long but it has taken me this long to finally get myself together and decide. I want change. To improve myself. I see many flaws and I do know that I should just love myself for myself but it's not easy for some women, me being one of them. I know that I can be truly happy if I improve myself first. And now... I truly know that I'm ready to change. No more laziness. I won't be saying that anymore I have to do it. I need to stay organized and quit being a bum and just be ACTIVE!!! I plan to start P90X as well as come back and have a healthy eating regime. I am indeed already happy with my LIFE! I love all of my friends and family with all my heart (No matter how much my parents annoy the hell out of me I do love them I just don't say it or admit to it). I love my boyfriend most of all! He's the true and main inspiration for me wanting to improve myself.

2011 is just a new year and I don't this to be another year that just rolls by and then at the end of it I become disappointed in myself. The year always starts off slow but I know that eventually it will just go by in seconds without notice so right NOW I want to START! Start change!

I remember back when I was a freshmen in highschool... Like... around October 2005 was when I started doing just this simple bike exercise at home for like a half hour to 45 minutes and only ate salads like once a day and that's all I ate. In that month I stopped because I got sick but I lost like 5 pounds and damn! Those 5 pounds really made a difference in my appearence for me. 5 pounds seems like nothing but thinking back... it was ALOT! And I was really happy with myself. But then I just stopped and got discouraged because I was sick! How stupid! I look back and I really regret that I regret all those times that I slacked off in PE my freshmen year because it was too intense because damn... Lebeau was INTENSE!!!!

Even thinking about P90X scares the fucking shit out of me but I remember what my Economics teacher, Mr. Baldwin, said: Fear is good! It's damn good! It's what drives us to our goals!

And he's right. As scary as he seemed to people he was a very passionate man about teaching with tough love he gave but that soft kindness he withheld. I really appreciate all of the teachers I had in high school but there were only very few that actually stuck out to me. Mostly him of all, everything he said inspired me but I never actually put that inspiration to use.

There was one day when I stumbled upon this thread in this forum by this girl: Life in the Fat Lane
Hahaha! The title alone was kind of funny yet very fascinating. I took a look and I was blown away by how amazing this girl looked after she loss nearly 40+ pounds in a year! She looked INCREDIBLE!! I wanted to be just like her! But I never took that step forward to actually do it. Her story... was an inspiration.

Then there's that new show on MTV called, "I Used To Be Fat"
Interesting title alone but watching the hour long show from beginning to end it was really amazing how much those people loss so far and how amazing their bodies looked as well. But as well as their smiles! They were soooooo happy! I want to be happy just like them and smile without looking like a fat ass! That show as well has inspired me to Press Play and START!

With his words of wisdom and that sense of motivation I get from the thoughts of my boyfriend and all other senses of motivation... I know I can do this! I may be scared but all the fears I've had in my life I've overcame them. Now it's time to be healthy and active! Even as hard as it gets I can't be wanting to look forward to fast results like those weight loss pills or something that liposuction can do. Real weight loss takes time because with time comes an even greater reward.

I'M READY!!!

TVXQ - (왜) Keep Your Head Down

Keep your head down U-Know time (Max)

You know what time it is?

This is return of the king

(모두 끝나버렸다) 난 시작도 안 해봤는데

(헤어져 버렸다) 난 이유조차 못 듣고

주변 사람들 모두 하나같이 날보고 너 왜 그래

왜 그래 왜 그래 난 이미 나쁜 놈

(죄라면) 널 사랑한 게 죄라면

(그게 죄라면) 진실 했다는게 죄라면

(나는 Keep it low 나는 Keep it low) 난 참아내고 내 자릴 지켜

(Keep your head down)

넌 정말 예쁘지만 너무 다른 너의 속이 난 너무 두려워

(Keep your head down)

사랑했다 하지만 난 이제 널 놓겠다

(왜?) 날 그렇게 쉽게 떠났니

(왜?) 내가 쉬워 보였던 거니

(왜?) 내 가슴은 찢어지잖아

(왜?) 모두 한 순간의 꿈이었다면

(왜?) 바로잡을 시간이 있었다면

(왜?) 제발 네가 행복하길 바랬다

나, 언제나 언제나 너를 가진 걸로 충분했고

세상이 뭐래도 같은 꿈을 꿔서 행복했고

지금은 널 보내게 됐지만 어차피 내 길을 갈뿐이고

Now I’m just chillin’, Feel like I’m healing

늦어버렸다, 넌 다시 돌아갈 수 없단다

네가 없다면 난 무너질 거라 믿겠지 예전부터 넌

그건 착각이라고 내가 왜 그래 왜 그래 왜 그래 널 타일렀잖아

Hey 난 정말, 정말 슬펐다 철이 없던 네가

혹시라도 나쁜 사람 만날까 Why? baby

(Keep your head down)

넌 정말 예뻐 근데 그뿐이야 네 가슴에 중요한게 없는걸

(Keep your head down)

사랑의 아픔을 참는 가슴에 못 박고

(왜?) 날 그렇게 쉽게 떠났니

(왜?) 내가 쉬워 보였던 거니

(왜?) 내 가슴은 찢어지잖아

(왜?) 모두 한 순간의 꿈이었다면

(왜?) 바로잡을 시간이 있었다면

(왜?) 제발 네가 행복하길 바랬다

하~ 그렇게 너 사람 갖고 장난, 장난 치지 마라

내 앞에선 요래조래 거짓말만을 늘어놓고

누가 봐도 누가 봐도 넌 정말 이중적이야

(왜 왜 왜)수정 같던 마음들이 언제 그렇게 탁해졌니

사랑을 끝냈다 널 보낸 가슴이 텅 비워졌다

하지만 내 미래는 마치 일어나서 웃으라고 손짓한다

너를 보낸다 정말 행복하게 살아(왜왜왜)

먼 훗날에 먼 훗날에 그냥 편하게 웃고 싶다 하하

(왜?) 왜~~~~~~~~

(왜?) 사랑을 그렇게 쉽게 놔버리는 너를

(왜?) 누군가 걱정할거란 생각은 해봤나

(왜?) 니가 놔 버린 게 너는 뭔지

(왜?) 아직 모르는 것 같아

(왜?) 그대로 머물러 나를 지켜봐

(Keep your head down)

지워졌다, 사라졌다 내 가슴에 니가 죽어 모두 타버렸다

(Keep your head down)

지워졌다, 사라졌다 내 가슴에 니가 죽어 너는 이제 없다

________________________________________________

Keep your head down U-Know time (Max)
You know what time it is?
This is return of the king

(Everything has ended) I didn’t even start yet
(We broke up) I haven’t even heard the reason yet
Everyone around me keeps asking me why I’m like this
Why are you like that, why are you like that? I’m already the bad guy

(If it’s a sin) If loving you was a sin
(If that was a shin) If being genuine is a sin
(I’ll keep it low, I’ll keep it low) I’ll hold it in and stand my ground

(Keep your head down)
You look pretty, but inside you’re so different, that’s what I’m afraid of
(Keep your head down)
I said I loved you but I’ll let you go

(Why?) Did you leave me so easily
(Why?) Did I look easy to you?
(Why?) My heart is ripping to shreds
(Why?) If every moment was a dream
(Why?) If only I had the time to set it right
(Why?) I prayed for your happiness

I was always satisfied with having you
I was happy to dream the same dream as you no matter what they said
I had to let you go, but I’m just walking my path anyway
Now I’m just chillin’, Feel like I’m healing

It’s too late, you said you can’t come back
You’ve always believed that I’d crumble without you
That’s a misunderstanding, why would I do that? why, why, I told you I wouldn’t

(Hey) I was really, really sad, because you were so immature
and I was afraid you’d meet someone bad (Why? baby)

(Keep your head down)

You’re really pretty, but that’s all there is to you, there’s nothing important inside of you

(Keep your head down)

A nail is driven into the heart that is holding in the pain of love

(Why?) Why
(Why?) You let go of our love so easily
(Why?) Did you ever think that someone would get worried?
(Why?) I don’t think you know yet
(Why?) Exactly just what you let go of
(Why?) Just remain there and watch me grow

Ha~ Don’t play with people like that
In front of me, all you do is speak of lies
You’re such a two-faced person
(Why why why) Since when did our crystal-like feelings become so opaque?

Our love has ended, I’ve let you go, and now my heart is empty

But my future is gesturing towards me to get up and smile

I’m letting you go, live happily (why why why)

One day far from now, far from now, I want to just smile comfortably

(Why?) Why
(Why?) You let go of our love so easily
(Why?) Did you ever think that someone would get worried?
(Why?) I don’t think you know yet
(Why?) Exactly just what you let go of
(Why?) Just remain there and watch me grow

(Keep your head down)
Erased, disappeared, you’ve burned to death in my heart
(Keep your head down)
Erased, disappeared, you’ve died in my heart and you no longer exist